In the recent film Watchmen, Zack Snyder attempted a near shot-for-panel adaptation of the iconic comic, resulting in numerous scenes from the comic that clearly wouldn’t work on film not working on film. While the film kept the basic plot framework it eliminated so many of the messy and complicated details that made the comic such a rich character study and substituted in its place gratuitous violence and the occasional laughable sex scene. All this results in a film that is more a recreation then an adaptation. Accurate enough for the studios to feign deference to the rabid fanboys, yet empty enough so that it might be consumed by the masses without making their brainpan hurt. Really the highest compliment I can pay the film is that it is decent enough that it seems to be convincing people to read the original comic.

But rather then continue to get frustrated over such a lost opportunity, I decided to come up with a few film adaptations that often stray wildly from their source material, whether the source is books, plays, television shows or comics. While I know there are plenty of people who seem to be claiming that this is the best Watchmen film anyone could reasonably expect, I would much rather watch a film take a chance at creating something different and unique for film rather then simply try to be an accurate recreation of its source. That and I am often quite unreasonable.

So I give you my 6 gutsiest adaptations:

Howard the Duck

Fans of the foul mouthed, philandering, alien water fowl had to be scratching their collective heads when they found out George Lucas would be executive producing an adaptation of the often racy Steve Gerber comic Howard the Duck, into a children’s movie. The 80’s weren’t exactly known for children’s films loaded with social satire either, making for what had to have appeared to be a horrible fit. The result is what one would expect, a watered down version of the comic, but credit must be given for the ample duck nudity, as well as the film portraying alien bestiality in a positive, if incredibly awkward, light. How that got past the ratings board, I have no idea.

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Living in the Tampa Bay area as a kid, I had three possibilities to watch horror movies on Saturday afternoons: Shock Theater, Creature Feature, and Commander USA’s Groovie Movies. Shock Theater was on the ABC affiliate and started with some psychedelic graphics accompanied by an ominous voice over. It was pretty simple and to the point, and a great introductory show for little kids like me who wanted desperately to watch horror movies without losing sleep later. While it wasn’t the most exciting way to spend the afternoon, I credit Shock Theater for educating me with what seemed like the entire Universal Pictures library.

After a couple of years watching Shock Theater, I finally managed to change the channel to start watching Creature Feature. This local show was hosted by Dr Paul Bearer – as played by the affable Dick Bennick – a crazy-eyed pall bearer who drove a hearse and had a creepy laugh. Before and after commercial breaks, Dr Paul Bearer would have short skits and discuss the movie – sometimes mocking, sometimes pointing out the good stuff. The movies shown were usually Hammer and Godzilla movies. While these movies weren’t exactly the most frightening movies ever seen, they were in color and appeared far more contemporary than the movies I was used to over at Shock Theater. Even better, unlike Shock Theater, Creature Feature usually showed two movies instead of one. And while that was great and all, eventually I didn’t find Dr Paul Bearer’s movies to be scary enough.

And this is how I discovered Commander USA’s Groovie Movies on USA.

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Normally I would have a long and completely unnecessary introduction before I dive into one of my reviews. I do this for several reasons, as primarily it provides me with an opportunity to write about whatever I choose and then hopefully find a novel way of tying it to the movie I watched and am reviewing. I like to think of it as flexing my creative muscles, but Anna pretty much thinks it is me showing off.

The other reason I write my reviews this way is because I want to use a style that is different then anything else you might have read. My experiences tie heavily into how I view a film, and by providing you the reader with insight into them it is my hope that it present you with a unique opportunity to see just what makes my brain tick. Or maybe not. It isn’t much more then a theory at this point.

But Starcrash is an entirely different animal then most of the other films I have watched for this site. For one, it stars David Hasselhoff, a man who I am powerless to resist. His very presence turns even the worst film or television show into an irresistible elixir. I knew going in to this screening there was no way I could ever hate this film, but what I was not expecting to endure what I could only describe as an utterly transcendent experience.

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