I had the perfect setting for my screening of Vampyr, then life had to go and ruin it. See, the girlfriend was going to visit her parents in Brainerd this weekend. Since I don’t have weekends off I can’t afford to go see her family as often as she does, so it means that essentially once a month I get a Bachelor’s Weekend. (Ed. Note – Bachelor’s Weekend! Whoo!) In an effort to allay her fears that I will get drunk and bring home Puerto Rican hitchhikers to have carnal relations with I will typically pick up some extra hours on Bachelor’s Weekend (Ed. Note – Bachelor’s Weekend! Whoo!) to limit my free time and maximize my productivity.

One of the shifts I picked up was working crowd control Saturday at The Uptown theater for their midnight showing of The Disco Dolls in Hot Skin; a 1976 X-rated pornographic film starring John Holmes shot in 3-D. For whatever reason, 3-D 70’s porn are pretty popular screenings here in the Twin Cities. Those in attendance that are above the legal viewing age tend to be rowdy and drunk, and even worse, traveling in packs. But the primary reason I was brought in was to throw out anyone under age who was trying to sneak in the theater.

Now most people think that the best thing about working at a movie theater is the free movies. Some might choose the free popcorn and soda. Others are impressed with the celebrity meetings or the readily available swag. Now these are all great perks that help off-set the menial salary and the too often insanely anal retentive client base, but I am here to tell you the greatest perk in working at a movie theater is kicking out teenagers.

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