At first glance my watching Cutthroat Island might seem a bit out of place with the purported purpose of this website. My goal was to watch lesser known films, specifically films I knew nothing about going into them, in the hopes of finding the occasional gem as well as simply taking a few risks when compared to my standard movie watching habits. I’m as guilty of being selective as anyone else and this seemed like a fun way to test the cinematic waters. And, well, watching one of the biggest financial flops in film history certainly has its own brand of appeal. How often do you get to watch a movie that killed an entire genre of film?

The pirate film, as most probably know, had a long, rich and financially successful relationship with Hollywood since Hollywood’s inception. They would have been considered the “blockbuster” films of their day, at least in comparison to modern day films. Big stars, big sets, bigger production budgets and big, big profits. While over time the popularity of pirate films, and the assured giant box office takes, fluctuated within Hollywood, their were few genres considered as sure as a thing as the pirate film.

By the time Cutthroat Island was being made the pirate film’s greatest glories had long since passed. While they were still being produced with regularity, they hadn’t dominated at the box office in years. So, as production began on Cutthroat Island, word soon began to spread that it would mark a return to Hollywood’s Golden Age, a time when people of all ages could lose themselves in the wonder of the movies. Cutthroat Island, it was promised, would mark the first step of many to a new Hollywood Golden Age.

Even years later I still remember being inundated with the marketing push for Cutthroat Island. TV spots were everywhere, and I specifically remember all the television tabloids like Inside Edition and Access Hollywood offering numerous “exclusive” behind-the-scenes looks at the film. Geena Davis, whose star had steadily risen for years, was being pushed as the next Hollywood superstar, an actress who could excel in both dramatic and action roles. Her husband, and Cutthroat Island’s director, Renny Harlin, was being touted with equal fervor. As the next “it” action director. The press simply couldn’t get enough of this husband and wife duo battling to resurrect a cherished but slightly forgotten genre. Cutthroat Island quickly became a looming juggernaut. A Christmas film that simply could not fail. Would not fail. That is, until it failed. Rather spectacularly as it turns out.

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Coming off of the heels of the terrible Mutant you might be wondering just what am I thinking watching a film widely regarded to being not only terrible, but one of the worst movies ever made? Also, isn’t it a pretty mainstream film? Excellent questions, all two of them. And if I might be allowed to retort.

I have never seen Cutthroat Island, and considering it is the tail end (Ed Note – Hah!) of the summer I thought that a swashbuckling pirate film might be a bit fitting. Also, I am of the opinion that while Cutthroat Island is considered a horrible film, that no one has actually ever seen it, and I point to the bock office receipts as proof. So if no one has seen it, how the hell can it be a mainstream film? Huh? Answer me that! Anyways, here’s to hoping it takes me less then a month to get through this disaster.

When I started this column my main hope was to find interesting films that I had never seen before that I could review. I hoped that I would enjoy the majority of them, but I knew that in sampling such odd fare that it was inevitable that I would eventually encounter some duds. But I also held out hope, as naive as it probably was, that since I was watching primarily experimental films, that I would enjoy at least some aspect of these movies, no matter how terrible they might happen to be. I held out that hope until now. Until Mutant. I just wish this day had never come.

Two brothers, Josh and Mike (Wings Hauser and Lee Montgomery) from somewhere hip and cosmopolitan, are heading to a small southern getaway to engage in some much needed male bonding. It seems that have become estranged for some unexplained reason and this trip to a place that they hate, and hates them they back with equal fervor, will be the perfect place to solve all of their problems. That is, until the vampire acid zombies show up and ruin everything.

I’ve been trying to slog through Mutant for close to a month now. Considering I’ve watched any number of awful films in my day just what possibly could have made Mutant so difficult to sit through? The short answer is really rather simple. Everything. It is difficult to know just where to begin describing the failures of Mutant. It is the kind of colossal disaster that could destroy companies. Funny enough, Mutant did.

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Or is it Night Shadows? Whatever the title of the film now named Mutant is supposed to be called, in the grand scope of things it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is it is an 80’s zombie flick with a twist. And from what I can tell from the trailer that twist seems to be acidic in nature. Oh man, buckle up, because this will probably be a bumpy ride.