Is there anything cooler then a ninja? Fun fact, while growing up I used to wish for the day a ninja would be in the Transformers cartoon, and while the Transformers/GI Joe crossover comic satiated this desire somewhat, it really wasn’t what I was after. Just like when Spider-Man guest starred, these shameless cross overs diluted both of these great franchises rather then amplifying them. And while Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes were great and all, they were no substitute for Michael Dudikoff.

The American Ninja franchise has a very special place in my heart. A place that you may not, and can not, sully no matter how hard you might try. Anna hasn’t even seen this place because she is crafty and I have been unable to trick her into watching any of the films. But what are American Ninja films? I’m so glad you asked.

The American Ninja films follow a simple, hard working soldier (Dudikoff) who just so happens to be the only American ninja, like, ever. You would think this would go to his head, but no. He keeps his head down and follows orders until invariably an evil villain set on world domination kidnaps his lady friend and unleashes an army of ninjas to kill our intrepid hero. I’m fairly certain American Ninja 2 differs only in that his best friend is kidnapped, as well as a host of Marines, instead of his girlfriend. Also the evil ninjas are color coded.

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The young people of today may not realize just how scary the word Satanist used to be here in the United States. You see, being a Puritanical society most people had a fear of God. But if there was one thing that could scare them even more then God it was Satan. And thanks to Hollywood hits like The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby those fears were suddenly rationalized in celluloid.

Yes those kindly old neighbors are trying to stealthily allow Satan to rape you in your sleep. And yes, the reason your daughter has started cursing and crab walking everywhere is because she is possessed by a demon. And yes, that scary blind man constantly sitting in that chair in the attic is guarding the gateway to Hell.
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