Growing up I always wanted to be a Veterinarian. I was fascinated with animals from the time I could talk, and spent hours every day reading as much about them as I could. But due to an unfortunate Guinea Pig incident when she was growing up, my mother was decidedly anti-animals. My father, for his part, was pro-dog but really didn’t care for anything else unless it related to farm work. Because of this it was always a challenge to convince my parents to let me have a pet.
First up were my two pet Anoles, Jay and Sue. As I grew older I would later come to realize that they weren’t a male and a female Anole, but rather two males. This led to Jay being quite stressed out by the decidedly butch Sue. Eventually Jay succumbed to the stress and an aggressive mealworm, resulting in quite the traumatic discovery one horrific morning. I like to think that I would have been a fairly normal person if not for the discovery of Jay’s half eaten remains. My father, sensing an opening, and to be fair probably not wanting me to get upset when Sue invariably died in the future, proceeded to console his eight year old son by explaining that Sue was just upset as I was and should be released into the wild where she might find another of her own to live with. Of course, at that time I was not yet aware that Anoles were native to Florida and other tropical climates, and would stand no chance of surviving in the wilds of Iowa. Way to convince me to kill my pet, Dad.
After watching a few relatively well known, though in-famously so, films I thought it would be nice to seek out a rather obscure film to watch, since probably no one else has. I decided to focus on a film about a dog. An angry dog. A human hating dog. That wants to kill old women, babies and possibly his burgeoning neo-Nazi owner. As an added bonus, the entire film is narrated by this very same dog. Let’s call him Baxter.
Pardon the ridiculous song playing over the trailer, but this was the best I could find.
Unfortunately for Anna she works in retail. This means she already has to deal with the looming threat of Christmas, as even now retail stores are beginning to shuffle Christmas themed merchandise onto the shelves, thus allowing the holiday’s yuletide reach to skip right past Thanksgiving, leapfrog Halloween and nestle right up next to Labor Day.
Luckily for her she has a totally righteous boyfriend. For our younger viewers righteous is not being used in a religious sense (though I would argue that I’m divine as well) but rather it is 80’s for 1337. But the point of this introduction is not about me claiming I rule, but by proving it. You see this week I decided to give Anna an early Christmas present.
The young people of today may not realize just how scary the word Satanist used to be here in the United States. You see, being a Puritanical society most people had a fear of God. But if there was one thing that could scare them even more then God it was Satan. And thanks to Hollywood hits like The Exorcist and Rosemary’s Baby those fears were suddenly rationalized in celluloid.
Yes those kindly old neighbors are trying to stealthily allow Satan to rape you in your sleep. And yes, the reason your daughter has started cursing and crab walking everywhere is because she is possessed by a demon. And yes, that scary blind man constantly sitting in that chair in the attic is guarding the gateway to Hell. (more…)
It isn’t often that I get to force Anna to watch something she has no interest in. Typically I have to find some way of piquing her interest or there simply is no way she will go. Take Midnight Meat Train, for example. While she isn’t averse to gore or horror films by any means, trying to talk her into driving 20 minutes to one of the worst areas of town to watch a film that might be terrible wasn’t an easy task. But after informing her on the treatment the film was receiving from Lionsgate, she became interested enough to see if the movie really deserved to be stashed away in the far reaches of the metro area. Of course after watching it we both realized why the film isn’t getting a wide release, but you have to give her credit for making the effort. (more…)
Well my little sister’s wedding went off with nary a hitch resulting in a pretty positive family get together for all involved. My father somehow managed to stay controlled throughout the proceedings, which considering his was giving away his baby girl is quite the feat. Sure he lied during his toast about not crying during the wedding ceremony, this was in an effort to squash the rather large pool circulating about taking bets on just how quickly he would cry, but other then that small misstep he was shockingly composed the entire weekend.
During the reception Meghan and Jake (the newlyweds) had a nice change of pace by eliminating the tired cliché of clinking glasses to have them kiss. Instead, they asked for the guests to tell a story about either or both of them, and while I chose not to tell a story at that time, I thought it might be fitting to tell a story about Meghan during this review. Trust me, it somehow ties together with The Mirror Crack’d. (more…)
Growing up I always wanted to be a Veterinarian. I was fascinated with animals from the time I could talk, and spent hours every day reading as much about them as I could. But due to an unfortunate Guinea Pig incident when she was growing up, my mother was decidedly anti-animals. My father, for his part, was pro-dog but really didn’t care for anything else unless it related to farm work. Because of this it was always a challenge to convince my parents to let me have a pet.
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